Firecrackers in my head

tiffanyleexxx:

Tiffany has passed away, and her memory with live on…

Love,
Destiny
(her little sister) 

Rest in Peace tiffany. 

I am so sorry about what happened and if i had any idea whatsoever that this would have happened i would have made sure i changed a few things. 

Tiffany and I met while we were both in rehab, i was really shy and didn’t really wanna talk to anyone my first week. But Tiffany made sure that i talked to someone, she was really talkative and hyper and i was a little thrown off at first. But it was also kind of comforting to have someone that seemed like they actually cared about whether you were comfortable or not. And that just seemed like the type of person she was nice, caring, compassionate, and understanding. Her last days everyone in the process group was trying to convince her to go into residential, because we all thought she needed it. Her reasonings for not going were she was scared to leave her family, especially her mom who she always talked about.

When it came to her family, she made it known that her and her dad were really close and she cared about him so much. Tiffany also talked about her little sister, that they had the sibling relationship for a long time where they would argue and scream at each other but recently started talking and becoming really close, which she loved. 

After she left the program we tried multiple times to hang out but because i am a total bitch and have social anxiety with hanging out alone with people i don’t know very well. I kept bailing on her, and when we would re-schedule she would bail on me. So it never ended up happening. I just wanna say her now, I’m so sorry Tiffany i hope you find the little bit of peace that you were looking for. You were loved by so many, theres no question about it, just get on your little laptop in heaven and check yo facebook gurl. 

You never believed in a heaven or hell while you were here on earth, but i don’t think treasures like you that were taken early were burried. I think god just wanted you home early, hopefully you know that now. 

RIP. 

<3

Ok so this weekend is going to just be completely fun filled! Friday is carnival time with Patrick, Eric, and Mandy. Then saturday I’m going to the wedding with the Friskes which should be fun. And then next week is PrOMMMM which I’m actually pretty excited for now. I just need to start working again because I am flat BROKE! 

So i feel really bad, today we were having a bon fire at pats and his dad made two piles one of news paper he said we could burn and then right next to that was his daily news paper that he wanted to read. I didn’t hear him say that it was his paper just that there was paper to burn. So i just grabbed the other pile and walked outside with pat and we started burning it. Nobody saw me grab it but then his dad started asking where his paper went and i knew it was me. I felt so bad and was about to say something except for he started getting mad and i was scared. I’m seriously such a fricken pussy sometimes. I went inside and realized they blamed Eric for doing it and he was pissed that he didn’t fess up and lied to his face about not burning it when he really didn’t. I can’t say anything now because its over with but i still feel really bad. 

I dunno what it is lately, but all i wanna do is cry. 

Cry Cry Cry. 

And i want patrick to act like he did when we first started dating.

And say things like,

“I realized that you were the one because whenever i left my ex i would be sad because it sucked, and whenever i left you I’m sad because i miss you already.” 

I don’t know if its because were just comfortable with each other now, or because he doesn’t love me as much or even like me anymore. But i still love him, but the fact that i don’t even love myself lately makes it hard to love anything. Everyone has been accusing me of doing drugs the past two days and I’ve been completely sober, its really pissing me off. 

And i have been thinking of suicide way too much. 

I’m scared.